Turning 23

A Pictorial Essay by David Montgomery

    The last couple of months I've been a little upset at the thought of turning 23. Twenty-three is two short years of being twenty-five which in turn is only five years from thirty. Of course, sometime in there I should get married and start producing miniature versions of me with some nice girl. At the moment, I don't have a nice girl. I don't even have a bad one for the matter. 

    I decided that it isn't that scary anymore. I'm still young enough to enjoy life and pursue my dreams. The more I thought about being 23, I couldn't help think that "boy, this kicks ass!"

    My birthday itself was a great day, and I recall it with fond memories and delight. It was the greatest birthday ever. Here is an account of my birthday and the few days afterwards. After seeing the pictures, I'm really starting to show my old age of 23.

Here I am at the beginning of my birthday party for the "Big Two-Three." My friends and family threw such a great bash for me. My nephew even filled up the balloons with the hot air that he stores in his head.

Here I am again but with my cake. I can't tell you how happy I was to get chocolate cake. I don't eat chocolate very often anymore. It can really do something fierce to my digestive track, but I tell ya, it is so good!

Here is a close up my cake right before I blew out the candles (with some help from my respirator)! I've always been fond of rainbows since my days on the farm when I would plow the fields. I'd set down the reins to my team of oxen and sit under a tree and look on in delight. Ah, the good 'ol days!

After my family felt like I had enough fun, two big strong young men in nice white uniforms came and took me away in this van. They said that we were going to a nice big home with other older people like me. Some even as old as twenty-seven! At first I didn't like this idea, but it grew on me. It was a great chance for me to meet other people that have similar interests and remember the good 'ol days.

Not long after I got to the Old Folks home, a nice man fit me with some brand new dentures. I was pleased to get them, I can finally eat corn on the cob again! Along with my dentures, they gave me a ton of cool pills to take at morning, noon, and night. My favorites are the little pink ones. They make me see a little monkey that dances for me. I named him Franky.

My first roommate at the home was this nice guy named Pete Rose. He was real swell except he always asked me if I had a few extra dollars I could lend him. I never got the money back and I always wondered what he did with it. I finally requested a new roommate when he was caught selling my dentures that he stole from me. After three days of eating apple sauce, I was back to eating fresh apples when my new pal Willy got them back for me.

This is my new roommate Willy. Some people also know him as William Perry or "The Fridge." I think people called him Fridge because he can eat more apple sauce, puréed chicken, and morning pills than anybody I have ever seen in my whole life! Willy is a big fan of Uno and is head of the Uno Club at the home.

This is my best friend Ralph. He doesn't talk a whole lot, but as you can tell, he's a real thinker. Ralph is one of the older residents at the home at 26. I can't wait to be 26, it looks like great fun!

This is what Willy, Ralph, and I love to see; a table of hot eligible women! Ralph once said the best thing about them is you don't have to worry about knocking them up. What a kidder, that Ralph!

After a couple of more days, I got a little bored and decided to try my hands at some fierce competition. I decided that Shuffleboard was my calling in my elderly life.

Sure enough, I was a natural at the great international sport of Shuffleboard. I quickly rose through the ranks and earned a spot on the US National Team.

This is the US National Team at the World Championships in Australia. I won a Silver Medal in the Senior Men's Individual Competition to Long Duc Dong of Taiwan. I tell ya, those Taiwanese can really play some mean shuffleboard!

I guess what I have learned from my 23 long years of life on this planet is that life is what you make of it. If we spend all of our time thinking, "gee, I sure am old," then you sure are. Since my 23rd birthday party, I go out everyday living life to the fullest of my ability. Life is a whole lot of fun. So go grab a close friend, play some shuffleboard, and enjoy every minute of it.

Click on Sara's head to go back!